Big Bad Book of Terrorist

Samantha Cable. Miami Ad School Sydney. Week One Homework.

I am currently being detained at the London airport.

Currently being detained at the London airport.

Detained at airport.

Detained.

My fellow readers, a moment of your time. I have a story I must share with you. Please find that confortable section on the couch, bed or plastic crate you may be positioned on. Grab the popcorn and let this story wash over you. Learn from my mistakes. Laugh at the irony. Do. Seriously.

And we commence:

I am not allowed to enter the United Kingdom if I am undertaking paid/unpaid work if I do not have the correct visa.

It’s 4am. I have been sitting in this holding room for two hours since my flight landed.  Cold room. Concrete floors. Not a speck of colour. Who would have thought Heathrow airport was so plain. So dull.

There was this employee.

The employee who worked at the airport.

The 4am employee who worked at the airport.

The grumpy, 4am employee who worked at the airport.

The grumpy, 4am employee who worked at the airport called Nick.

The grumpy and frustrated, 4am employee who worked at the airport called Nick.

Nick, whom I am sure was a perfectly nice guy, was not thrilled that I was being held a customs for not having the correct paperwork. He took my passport and travel documents. I've had a pat down, drug test and all my baggage searched. At 4am I was an extremely popular detainee. One of the many reasons was, during the two days of flying from Sydney to London, I managed to loose the key for my luggage. This added to my new appeal as a terrorist. This is an appropriate time to cue the shifty eyes.

After getting the bolt cutters out, border security searched through everything I had. They surrounded my suitcase under the dirty yellow blare shining from the artificial light bulb; murmuring with nodding heads in unison. I was half expecting them to find someone’s decapitated, rotting head wrapped up in my towel. Fortunately this was not the case. I passed.

I was seated to a room with the table and two chairs bolted to the floor. My fingerprints were taken. Nick arrived with the Big Bad Book of Terrorist and showed me the highlighted chapter of ‘sending people back home without correct paperwork section’. I was never a fan of the television show Boarder Security anyway.

End of transmission.